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Martin Luther Campus 

How to Persuade a Senior They Need Help

9/6/2018

7 Comments

 
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These tips come to you from Fairview’s Caregiver Assurance program. Martin Luther and Ebenezer work with Fairview to provide Nationally-recognized care for seniors.
 
You’re doing what any good person would do, trying to keep tabs on a loved one who’s growing older. You’re afraid to broach the idea of getting involved in their affairs, because you don’t want to hurt their feelings–or worse, start a fight. Maybe you’ve even tried to offer your help, only to get rebuffed.
 
Heidi Sklenar Telschow, a personal advisor to clients of Fairview’s Caregiver Assurance service, knows it’s a predicament. She hears it on a daily basis.
When a senior repeatedly resists help, “it creates a lot of frustration for the son or daughter or spouse,” Heidi says. “People will make unsafe and uninformed decisions, and you just want to throw your hands in the air and say, ‘I’m done.’ ”

Getting Past Your Frustration

​The first step is understanding that your loved one isn’t necessarily just being stubborn.
 
“It’s more about them being in denial of their actual abilities,” Heidi says, from their eyesight to whether they’re strong enough to handle the stairs. “It may take Dad slipping on those last two steps and getting a big bruise on his behind for him to realize.”
 
Even if your loved one does grasp the situation, accepting your help can feel like surrender. “That final time they hand over those car keys and know they will never go to the store by themselves again, it’s handing over their independence,” Heidi says. “To lose that is like giving up who they’ve been their entire adult life.” 

Having the Talk

​Heidi has some tips for that difficult conversation about taking on some things your loved one can’t or shouldn’t be doing anymore.
 
“Never present it as an ultimatum: ‘If you do that one more time, I won’t keep bringing the grandkids to visit.’ Like any transition in life, it has to be processed,” Heidi says.
 
It’s also easy to fall into the trap of shaming or guilting your parent. You might be thinking, “Doing this for you is already hard enough; don’t make it any harder” or “I never signed up for this.” But saying it to them could increase whatever anxiety or depression they’re having about aging, making it even harder to accept your help and pushing the problem down the road.
 
Bringing a neutral party into the conversation can often break a stalemate.
“Try to have the advice come from someone else–me, a doctor, a mental health assessor,” Heidi says. “It takes the weight off the caregiver as the bad guy. You don’t have to be the one to pull the plug, so to speak. If it’s you as the caregiver harping on it, they’ll drag their feet.”
 
That’s one reason why Fairview launched Caregiver Assurance, which gives you unlimited access to a personal advisor like Heidi and the option of visiting your senior’s home and hosting a family conference with you. “People always take me up on that,” she says. “No one ever says, ‘Let me be the one to break Dad’s heart.’ ”
 
Martin Luther Campus also offers on-site assistance and one-on-one meetings to help you have that difficult conversation.

Accepting What You Can't Control

In the end, the senior is still in control. Just because you choose to watch out for them or it’s fallen to you, it doesn’t mean they’ll let you make all the decisions while they’re still living in their own home. So expect to draw on your deepest reservoir of patience.
 
“People aren’t going to hear a recommendation just once and accept it,” Heidi says. “People need time to weigh their options. Reassure them that you’re there for them and will do everything you can for their safety, and when they’re ready to make those brave steps for change, you’ll be there for them no matter how long it takes. Wrap them in support.”
 
If you’re having difficulty speaking to a loved one, Martin Luther Campus can help. Our memory care experts have years of experience working with seniors. Contact us to today for a free appointment.
 
Martin Luther Campus is part of the Ebenezer family of Lutheran Senior Care Communities. We provide transitional care and assisted living apartments for seniors in Bloomington. We also have adult day clubs and memory care programs for seniors living at home. We’re located at 1401 East 100th St. Bloomington, MN. Are you interested in transitioning to assisted living or do you have a loved one that needs assisted living? Call us at  952.888.7751
7 Comments
senior care services link
7/8/2022 03:06:15 pm

These are some quite good tips about how to take care of seniors. This blog is very helpful and informative to all the readers. Thank you for sharing this post.

Reply
Tex Hooper link
8/18/2022 04:07:19 pm

I like what you said about bringing a neutral party into the conversation for an estimate. I need to get my dad into a center where he can get proper medical care. I'll have to do some research on the best communities near me.

Reply
John Carston link
12/15/2022 07:09:35 pm

I never knew that process would need a transition to make it tolerable. Last night, my aunt told us that she wanted to live in an assisted living facility because she wanted to live in a more peaceful environment. My cousin asked if I had any idea what could be the best option for consultation. You did a great job explaining the importance of consulting a senior assisted living service that could help us with our inquiries. Thanks for this helpful article.

Reply
helping hands caregivers link
12/23/2022 10:08:55 am

Such a great informative post, Helping hands caregivers, We’re here to help with the everyday needs of the elderly community to give you peace of mind that your loved ones are being taken care of. For many years, Polish Helping Hands has provided personal care, overnight stays, and even housekeeping services.

Reply
Braden Bills link
12/30/2022 09:14:16 am

I've been trying to help my mom, but she insists that she doesn't need it. It makes sense that I would want to be careful and considerate when it comes to this. It might be best to work with a professional, since they would know how to help convince her.

Reply
Iris Smith link
1/2/2023 10:41:21 pm

Thank you for pointing out that the first step is realizing that your loved one isn't just being obstinate. My friend wants to enroll his grandma in a senior assisted living facility, but she refuses to accept help. I'll advise my friend to be understanding with his grandmother and persistent in persuading her.

Reply
Victoria Addington link
1/18/2023 08:33:02 am

It's great that you explained that we should understand our loved ones' necessities. My friend is looking for a senior living placement advisor. I should advise her to choose one with vast experience in the field.

Reply



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Martin Luther Campus is managed by Ebenezer, Minnesota’s largest senior living operator. Ebenezer is the senior housing division of Fairview Health Services and has 100 years of experience serving older adults.  We have been innovators with being the first assisted living in Minnesota, and have an attached long term care, or traditionally called a "nursing home".  We are proud to have been serving Bloomington for over 50 years!
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